Resistance Revisited

When I started working as a Management Consultant I realized very quickly that my tool bag of methods, concepts, and techniques was not enough. I also had to be part philosopher and therapist. And what does a therapist encounter quite often— resistance! Even as a private person with family, friends and colleagues you encounter resistance, mostly in the form of objections and differences of opinions.

Seeing resistance as a natural occurrence, not taking it personally, and learning to simply name the resistance, the objections and then be quiet— these are therapeutic skills that we can all find useful. Resistance is a quality that helps keep a person together. After all, when you challenge resistance, you are challenging a person’s beliefs and values. If you treat resistance as something to be “overcome,” it will be seen as coercion, as a desire for control— you are right and they are wrong. You will surely put them in a corner, strengthening their resolve.

So, resistance needs to be understood and affirmed, even if you personally find the other’s ideas and expressions not to your liking. Don’t think of getting a person to change, instead invite them to explain, to explore with the idea that you both might learn something. Resistance tells you that there are beliefs and values at stake, even a person’s identity.

So be gentle, invite, explore, and above all— listen, and you may even learn something about yourself.